My father is thirty years older than me by age, but about 100 years older with wisdom and life experience. We live near each other, near enough for me to visit a few times a month, but not expected daily for dinner. One of the things I enjoy most about my visits with my father is the opportunity to learn from him and listen to him regale me stories both serious and humorous. I always leave feeling like I’m a better person, and I’m so proud of my father and having him in my life. I consider myself a better person with his constant influence. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from my father:
Be True To Yourself
He followed the typical path of high school, college, navy, grad school, profession. Many people of that generation will espouse to their progeny that this and only this path is the best way to lead a life and to be the best, most self-actualized person you can be. However, my father, though he is a scientist and realist, always allowed me to follow my artistic endeavors. Sometimes he will simply pose the question of whether or not I may be happier in a different track, but that’s because he’s most concerned with my happiness, not because he thinks I should or should not continue to follow my own path. At the end of the day, he is always supportive of me and that is something I will do when it’s time for me to have children.
Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice; Do Offer Solicited Advice
When someone wants your advice, they will ask you for it. No one wants to be told how better to do what they are attempting to do, especially from someone who wouldn’t know how to do something better. However, someone embarking on a new endeavor may want counsel, and then if you are asked it’s more than okay to impart your wisdom. For example, when my brother was considering going back to school to get an MBA, he researched the process and was getting frustrated. My dad allowed him to vent, but did not offer advice. Imagine how that same advice would have been received by a son if my father had come out with that suggestion without waiting to be asked, it would have seemed like a nagging father. My dad waiting until asked.
Taste is Not a Moral Issue
A seemingly innocuous piece of advice, but one that helps salvage relationship or put them in proper perspective, is the simple notion that taste it not a moral issue. How often do we hear someone putting someone else down for their love of a certain kind of music, usually country music. But a person who likes country music is not a bad person, they probably like the sing along ability and the familiar rhythms. If I like more complex and interesting music, that’s fine, but someone who has different needs from music may find Frank Zappa unlistenable. This does not mean I’m better or cooler, but that we have different tastes. I would be a worse person if I let that prejudice against a type of music affect my opinion on someone.
